“What you didn’t have, you didn’t miss”: The women of the hills
By Baylee Magnani
Appalachia is a region rich in culture, religion, family, and hard work. When most people think about the region, they think about the farmers, coal miners, and iron workers who built it. Historically, the media has often depicted the people in Appalachia as dirty, poor, uneducated, and drug-addicted. But, looking beyond those stereotypes, you find a region of some of the wisest, most generous, hardworking, appreciative individuals this country has to offer. Each hill and holler offer something that concrete and cityscapes cannot touch.
From nights spent in the mine, bones damaged and brittle from the heavy moving of iron, and skin weathered and cracked from the sun, it is obvious to see the blood, sweat, and tears men have historically put into building the region and its many cities and towns. Many don’t see the hours, labor, struggles, and devotion that the women put into building their families, maintaining their marriages, and supporting their working husbands.
83-year-old Margaret McGary is from Northern Appalachia. She was raised in Lloydsville, Ohio, but now resides in Lafferty, Ohio, both towns so small that you can see end to end. Growing up, McGary lived a life mirroring those of the women around her. McGary married her husband, Charlie, at 18. Together, they had five children, and McGary became a stay-at-home mother.
A young Margaret McGary / Photo provided by McGary
Beyond the traditional chores of cooking, cleaning, and taking care of younger siblings, living in rural Appalachia presented unique challenges. There was no electricity or indoor plumbing in the house that McGary and her seven siblings grew up in, and she had to share a bed with one of her sisters until she married and moved in with Charlie. It was another decade before the two of them got indoor plumbing. This meant washing their young kids in a tub that had to be filled by hand and going outside to use the bathroom or a pail that would later be emptied.
This way of life would be unimaginable to many, especially in the frigid winter months. To McGary, it was normal.
“What you didn’t have, you didn’t miss,” McGary said. “You were used to living that way.”
Like many in the region, McGary’s family struggled financially for years.
“There was one point when Charlie and his friend bought a car for $50 and shared it. The door didn’t shut, so I had to hold it closed with one hand, and the seat I sat in wasn’t bolted down,” McGary said.
Despite the challenges this way of life posed, it was still home. “It never felt overwhelming,” McGary said.
While the slow-moving, rural, small-town life left many things to be desired, for McGary, there were more reasons to stay; her corner of Appalachia offered a haven, with a small church, a tight-knit community, and, most importantly, safety. But the thing that has kept her rooted in Appalachia all of her life is her family.
“All of my children and grandchildren live here. I have all of my blessings in a place I can see,” McGary said.
McGary in the family kitchen with a birthday cake
/ Photo provided by McGary
Appalachians face unique struggles, but they also face unique judgments. One of the most common judgments is on those who are poor. McGary, who grew up having very little, gained a deep appreciation and sympathy for those who have less. She believes having less made her appreciate the little things more.
“People look down on the less fortunate; they judge them. I feel that if someone needs something, you help them if you can,” McGary said. “I never knew we were poor growing up. As I grew older, I realized we were dirt poor, but I never looked at the neighbors and thought boy, I wish we had what they had.”
Advice that McGary offers to those living in the region or feeling like they have less, is to value what you have around you. Value people, faith, resources, and time.
“Time goes by so quickly. The other morning, I was standing in the mirror and thought ‘How did you get to be turning 84?’ What felt like 10 years to me turned out to be 65,” McGary said.
She also offered the general advice of being the best you that you can be, helping the less fortunate, and trusting that things will turn out alright. Her most valuable advice, she argues, is to “drink some wine every now and then.”
Carli McGary, Margaret's daughter, also experienced a unique life growing up and raising her family in Appalachia. Carli, 64, also resides in Lafferty, Ohio. One way her experience differs from her mother’s is that alongside being a full-time wife and mother, Carli also worked a full-time job. From pressure washing to mental health technician, she has always been a hard worker. Like her mother, Carli also experienced financial difficulties, but hers were rooted more in the struggles of being a single mother. Her daughters experienced an absent father and a mother consumed with trying to provide. Years later, Carli remarried, but her second husband, Dennis, eventually passed due to brain cancer.
“I tried to make a happy home for my daughters and a happy ending, or so I thought. Dennis died, and the girls lost who they considered to be their dad,” Carli said. “I was starting over more times than I cared to.”
Carli McGary on job site / Photo provided by Carli
Straying far from the traditional role that her mother played, Carli ran from the gender roles this region seems to encourage.
“I did the old-fashioned male and female roles. I tried to be the perfect housewife that my mother role modeled, but I found I very strongly disagree that a woman is lesser or that she needs to give in to make a man’s life easier,” Carli said.
This independence caused struggles that eventually presented unique growth opportunities, and Carli took every opportunity she could.
“I am very self-sufficient. I learned how to do a lot of things on my own and to take care of myself and my kids,” Carli said. “Anything I have, I got it.”
Carli feels that one of her most notable successes is how her children turned out:“My girls are very successful. I am very proud of them. My grandkids are good kids because they were raised by good moms,” Carli said.
One of the things Carli most values about growing up in the region is her relationship with the land. Things like being able to hunt, garden, and can are freedoms that she appreciates deeply.
“Appalachia connects me to the land. If you live in a small town, you know your neighbors. Neighbors take care of each other. It’s a peaceful country life. The animals, the sound of the birds, I wouldn’t give that up for anything,” Carli said.
Like her mother, she also values the small community, the small churches, and safety. While there are many pleasures she finds at home, Carli also recognizes that there have also been negative changes throughout her time in the region.
“Our town used to be a lot of older people like immigrants, so they took great pride in what they had. Their houses and yards were clean. Nobody had money because it was a coal-mining town, but everyone had pride. Now, people move in from the big cities, and they have trash in their yards and on their porches, and they brought in drugs. People just don’t care,” Carli said.
Appalachia is rich in things to be proud of, but to people on the outside, these positives are often overlooked or undervalued. Many Appalachians fall victim to stereotyping, and for Carli, that comes in the form of outsiders thinking this region lacks basic necessities and accessible technologies. In her experience, she encountered Clevelanders who were shocked to find that her family had running water and access to cable TV. “They thought we were less likely to have luxuries”, Carli said.
Carli McGary helping family build a house / Photo provided by Carli
As a woman who has broke gender roles, worked hard, raised kids, and found sustenance in the land, Carli McGary has advice that any Appalachian could benefit from.
“Have a good strong work ethic. Always be honest. Say your prayers and turn to God to seek any kind of guidance. Something that was extremely hard for me and still is- it’s okay to put yourself first. Be as kind as you can to as many people you can. Lastly, don’t let negative people suck the positive out of you,” Carli said.
In a region so rich in the value of hard work and grit, it is easy to recognizes the contributions that the leading figures, the men, have made. What people often don’t see is the sacrifices that the women also made in order to sustain and succeed in such a male dominated area. For McGary, that came in the form of pouring her whole self into building a family, keeping the faith, and making people feel loved enough to stick around. For Carli, that came in the form of exceeding gender roles, working to keep the family afloat, and raising women who are strong enough to follow in her footsteps. Appalachian women remain the unsung heroes of the hills.
